Theresa’s Take: Keeping Kids Out of the Crossfire

Divorce is heartbreaking enough. But when kids get caught in the middle of their parents' conflict, the heartbreak can ripple for years. Heather Cary’s blog "Kids Don’t Deserve to Get Caught in the Crossfire of Divorce" is a beautiful and important reminder of how we can protect the people who matter most.

Heather puts it so clearly: it’s not divorce itself that damages kids, it’s how parents handle the hard parts. That gives all of us, even in the hardest moments, a chance to choose differently.

I see it often when working with families, not because anyone wants to hurt their children, but because hurt people sometimes react in ways they later regret. It’s human. Divorce brings up fear, anger, sadness, and loss. And yet, if we can manage those emotions (even when it feels impossible), we give our kids a softer place to land.

I really connected to Heather’s idea of “lightening the baggage.” You can still honor your pain without handing it to your kids to carry. You can still advocate for their safety and well-being without using them as messengers or shields. You can shift your story from one of pain to one of strength, and they’ll watch you do it.

And yes, there will be bumps. New partners will show up. Parenting styles will clash. Roles will shift in ways that feel unfair or frustrating. But every time you pause, breathe, and respond instead of react, you’re showing your children how love stays steady, even when a family changes shape.

Heather’s blog offers real tools, not perfection, but progress. If you’re in the thick of it right now, I encourage you to read her words and let them remind you: you have more power than you think. Not to change the past, but to protect the future. Your kids are worth every ounce of that effort, and so are you.